My Dearest Sloane

My Dearest Sloane,

Last night I had a dream about you. I had a dream that I went to your room to wake you up, and you set up in your bed, and you said to me in the sweetest voice, “Mom, I have so much to tell you, and I don’t know how this is happening.” I woke up out of breath, and I don’t remember anything else.

You’ve had a hard few days. Your struggles have been heavy. I’ve needed to know so many things only you can tell me.

I know I talk to you all the time, but oh how I want to hear what you have to say to me.

And I know communication does not have to be verbal, but I long to hear your sweet voice and that want of mine will never go away. My hope for that will never go away! One day…

I hope to hear your thoughts…

I hope to hear your fears…

I hope to hear your happy…

I hope and need to hear your pain and what I can do to ease it…

I hope for you to tell me how your day was and not have to read it out of a folder or hear it from someone else’s perspective..

I hope to hear about your dreams…

I hope to have a conversation with you my sweet girl!

I think about your 12 years on this earth and not being able to say a single sentence, and I am so sorry honey. And I am so sorry that other forms of communication have been so hard as well. I am so sorry that you have had struggles that so many will never understand. I don’t know why this was your chosen path, I wish I did, but I do know I will always be here to walk it with you!

And I hope you know how sorry I am that I have not been able to unlock your voice for you. It breaks me as a parent, as your mom, not to be able to return your verbal voice to you! I promise I will never stop trying! I promise I will never give up hope!

Sloane, my girl, you have been spectacular since the day you were born. And until my hopes become a reality, I will continue fight for you even on the hard days. And I will continue to see you! I will see your happy, see your sad, see your struggles and see your heart.

I love you, my girl! Up to the sky and back down to the ground!

XOXO,

Mom

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